Update, 5:50 p.m. CDT, Aug. 25, 2012: Whether The Onion needs to reset its clock is now open to debate, in light of reports that bystanders shot in the Empire State shootings were hurt by bullets fired by the police themselves.
RESETTING THE ONION'S CLOCK. Headline posted yesterday: "Nation Celebrates Full Week Without Deadly Mass Shooting."
* Today's real-life headline: "Multiple people shot near Empire State Building."
* Historic Empire State newsreel: In 1945, Army bomber crashed into the building
'THAT'S GARBAGE!' Beachwood Reporter proprietor Steve Rhodes' reaction to an insurance company's defense of its employment of Illinois House Speaker Michael Madigan's son -- who the Tribune reports is forging a successful insurance career with the help of suburban mayors "who look to his powerful father to advance their political and legislative agendas."
ROMNEY'S LIMITS. A Denver TV reporter makes news by telling viewers her interview with Mitt Romney came with a stipulation that she not ask him about abortion or Todd Akin.
* White House "invited" local reporters to ask Obama certain questions
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